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Location: The Promised Land

This is my triumphant return to the lifestyle I've always furthered and forwarded in my heart, at least, so let's blast off. The first half of my life has been incredible and the second segment will include more splendors than any Ottoman Sultan could ever have wished for in his golden repose. Anyway, fasten your laughter belt cuz you're on a collision course with wackiness.

Friday, May 26, 2006

You bitter? Yep, bit him, too.

I now accept strange assignments, such as catering to a missing link that lets me sleep and shower here in the hills and... I had an idea to insert here but the beast attacked me and now it's gone. I hope it sucked. Anyway, I'm back in those plush hills where on a night like tonight you could hear the ice cubes tinkling in the cocktail glasses or something like that from Helter Skelter but the point is that serial family murder is the urban fear of the uber-rich. Some question the burden this actually poses and get blank stares as non denial denials pile one upon the other but we forgot that lesson from the 70's, apparently, and ...... the lumbering dane assailed me again and had to be put down. Stairs. Sheesh, this reads like David Sedaris, like I've got nothing better to do than write about my boring boyfriend and yeech. He needs to get his edge back. And I'm not gay. And I need to assert my own edge in the first place so I can be rich and write about how hard it is to be rich and that true happiness lies in the heart and home but give me money to continue my studies in the name of the Federation of Planets, just to lightning this into uber-dorkdom. Now there's a term for ya. This has all been confirmed by the sworn testimony, you know, so forget that part if you like. My latest groove has been to archive a Dead show for the day's date and then stream it and think about where I was that day and how ever many years have gone by since then. For examle, a few days ago I quickly found, for the date May, 25th, a show from my favorite GD year, 1977, and played it and then realized that this was the date that Star Wars had opened so the music I was listening to was produced live the night that millions of gawkers, for the first time, were swept into fantasy land, supposedly far. far away. Anyway, I've been able to do this for about five days running and I think I can keep it up at least ten days. Some dates are easy with multiple shows and I can't get to all of them but a few days I really had to dig and then come up with a gem from '73 or get a weird pop from '89. I had several to choose from for May 28th so I'm listening to one now and I remember to wish my mother a happy birthday and I'm in the Sedaris family again but I'm not gay or Greek but a little swarthy, perhaps? Good night, everbody. See ya next week on HEE HAW!


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